[Magdalen] Thanksgiving morning

[Kristin Rollins]

I write from the darkness of a hotel room. Hotels are one of the rare
times I am annoyed by my internal clock being so different from my
wife's. Because there is so little to do that won't risk disturbing her
sleep. Even worse, this time I forgot my Bluetooth headphones, so
podcasts and radio listening are out.

I am also quite nervous. We are having Thanksgiving dinner with members
of Heather's father's side of the family. I don't believe he and my
mother-in-law will be present, as they hurriedly prepare a second
location of their store for its opening day: Black Friday. (Yes,
really.) So I expect that the only person I will have previously met in
person today will be Heather. (One or two of them have friended me on
Facebook, but any interaction we've had there has been pretty
superficial.)

And to top it off, Heather's family has not yet been told of my news.
And Thanksgiving is obviously not the day for that (as I remembered last
month when I delayed coming out to my father because it was Canadian
Thanksgiving). So I am "introducing myself" to people I have never met
before, while hiding who I really am, and answering to an old name and
perceived gender. I know it is the right decision in the circumstances
of this situation, but of course it isn't easy, and the pre-dawn
darkness doesn't help as I sit, the only person awake in the room for
hours.

I know there are others who have it worse than I do. But there are so
many "if onlys" in this situation that I don't dwell on, but are so easy
to pop up unbidden. If only I had met these people before today. If only
time hadn't gotten away, and we'd managed to tell my in-laws before it
was too late for today. But the plan is only to be there for a few
hours. We have a hotel room about a half-hour, I think, from where the
family is gathering. Mealtime is expected to be an hour or two after we
get there. And when we leave, I can relax.

It's one day. I've done it before. It won't be the end of the world. But
I'm really not looking forward to dancing around questions with awkward
answers posed by mostly complete strangers.

-- 
  Kristin Rollins
  kristin at verumsolum.com
  Portsmouth, VA