[Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

Fri Jul 31 23:38:14 UTC 2015

TBTG,  ACA/ACoA is very active in my greater metro area. It has been a life 
changer for me.

Lynn

website: www.ichthysdesigns.com

When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have not a 
single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave me." 
attributed to Erma Bombeck
 "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a talk 
by Richard Rohr

--------------------------------------------------
From: "H Angus" <hangus at ctcn.net>
Sent: Friday, July 31, 2015 5:41 PM
To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please

> No, Al-Anon is for friends and families of alcoholics/ addicts, while ACOA 
> is for adult children of alcoholics/addicts.
>
> I came into the programs through ACOA, and liked it, but there are very 
> few ACOA meetings left, so I attend Al-Anon.
>
> ACOA is much more open about allowing feelings to be aired. Nowadays, I 
> think, most ACOAs just take anti-depressants. But I've always been glad I 
> did it old-school.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Grace Cangialosi" <gracecan at gmail.com>
> To: "Magdalen" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> Sent: Friday, July 31, 2015 5:05:40 PM
> Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please
>
> Are ACA and ACoA the same?
>
> On July 31, 2015, at 4:57 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <houstonklr at gmail.com> wrote:
>
> I would not recommend online meetings for anyone who is not already very
> familiar with the FTF meetings of the identifier they have attended 
> before,
> or even switching between  'qualifying' behaviors - for instance
> AA/Alanon/ACoA.  They are all different and nuanced. IMO.
>
> Lynn
> Alanon, ACoA
>
> website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
>
> When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have not 
> a
> single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave me."
> attributed to Erma Bombeck
> "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a talk
> by Richard Rohr
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Jay Weigel" <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
> Sent: Friday, July 31, 2015 3:48 PM
> To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please
>
>> There have been online AA and Al-Anon meetings for years, started mostly
>> for members who are out there rdar from others. It's been a long time
>> since
>> I've done one and I can't remember how to get there, but google is your
>> friend.
>>
>> On Fri, Jul 31, 2015 at 4:39 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Online? That's something I wouldn't have thought of!! I do remember
>>> finding Al-Anon's "One Day at a Time" reader helpful, but then I gave
>>> away
>>> my last copy.
>>>
>>> On July 31, 2015, at 4:14 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>> I find that every once in awhile I need a refresher. Just a thought.
>>> Sometimes I find an online meeting does it for me, sometimes I just go
>>> back
>>> and do some reading.
>>>
>>> On Fri, Jul 31, 2015 at 2:57 PM, Grace Cangialosi <gracecan at gmail.com>
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>> > I'm actually an Al-Anon alum, Heather, which is the only reason I'm
>>> > even
>>> > halfway dealing with this and also sleeping at night!
>>> >
>>> > My daughter told me this morning that my son had called her, because 
>>> > he
>>> > couldn't sleep.  She told me she thinks our relationship is 
>>> > irreparable
>>> and
>>> > that I should just move on. She also reminded me that I had cut myself
>>> off
>>> > from my parents.  The difference, as  I see it is that I was never
>>> hateful
>>> > to them, just had as little contact as possible once I realized how
>>> > toxic
>>> > it was for me to be around them.  But we lived about ten hours away, 
>>> > so
>>> > that was easy.
>>> >
>>> > My daughter also pointed out that, if it weren't for the children, my
>>> > son
>>> > and I probably wouldn't see each other at all. He did tell me a year 
>>> > or
>>> so
>>> > ago that aside from the kids, we have nothing in common, and he wanted
>>> > me
>>> > out of his life.  Then a few months later, they invited me for
>>> > Thanksgiving...
>>> >
>>> > Ah well, enough...thanks for listening and praying, all of you!
>>> >
>>> > On Fri, Jul 31, 2015 at 2:37 PM, H Angus <hangus at ctcn.net> wrote:
>>> >
>>> > > Dear Grace,
>>> > >
>>> > > I agree with what everyone has said, and I would also suggest that
>>> > > you
>>> > > consider attending Al-Anon meetings. That was where I learned how to
>>> > refuse
>>> > > to be abused by out-of-control people, definitely including
>>> > > relatives.
>>> > >
>>> > > Heather
>>> > >
>>> > > ----- Original Message -----
>>> > > From: "Susan Hagen" <susanvhagen at gmail.com>
>>> > > To: "magdalen" <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
>>> > > Sent: Thursday, July 30, 2015 10:13:07 PM
>>> > > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Short-term prayers, please
>>> > >
>>> > > Dear Grace,
>>> > > You have my prayers.  I know the pain of being in the blast radius 
>>> > > of
>>> > > someone else's rage.  I think you've done all you can for now.  I
>>> > > pray
>>> > that
>>> > > you will feel the love that all of us feel for you and always feel
>>> God's
>>> > > love.
>>> > >
>>> > > Susan
>>> > >
>>> > > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 4:10 PM, Grace Cangialosi
>>> > > <gracecan at gmail.com>
>>> > > wrote:
>>> > >
>>> > > > Well, that's an idea, Molly, and there are a couple of people.  I
>>> > > > had
>>> > > > thought of sending the original letter to my daughter and one 
>>> > > > other
>>> > > friend
>>> > > > to read, but decided against it and just deleted it.
>>> > > > This was what I just sent my son:
>>> > > > <https://us-mg5.mail.yahoo.com/neo/launch?.rand=1amvfrlmd5t4b#>
>>> > > > "Today at 3:51 PM
>>> > > >  I see that I have another note from you.  I haven't deleted it,
>>> > > > but
>>> > I'm
>>> > > > not ready to read it yet, either.  I'll let you know if/when I do.
>>> > > > I
>>> > > > sometimes wonder if you have any idea how hurtful you can be. And
>>> then,
>>> > > > after awhile, it's like you forget all about it, and things sort 
>>> > > > of
>>> go
>>> > > back
>>> > > > to normal--until the next time."
>>> > > >
>>> > > > I think for now, not reading it is probably the best idea. And if
>>> > you're
>>> > > > thinking there may be mental issues involved, you're right. But
>>> prayer
>>> > > will
>>> > > > take care of those; no need for medication! It's just sad all the
>>> > > > way
>>> > > > around, and I do worry about the kids--six of their own and
>>> > > > currently
>>> > two
>>> > > > fosters.
>>> > > >
>>> > > > On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 3:55 PM, Molly Wolfmama <lupa at kos.net>
>>> wrote:
>>> > > >
>>> > > > > You've got my prayers, in spades.  What a horrible situation for
>>> you!
>>> > > Is
>>> > > > > there someone else who could read it in confidence and give you 
>>> > > > > a
>>> > > précis?
>>> > > > >
>>> > > > > Hugs,
>>> > > > > Molly
>>> > > > >
>>> > > > > The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can
>>> > > > > learn
>>> > in
>>> > > no
>>> > > > > other way. -- Mark Twain
>>> > > > >
>>> > > > > > On Jul 29, 2015, at 3:41 PM, Grace Cangialosi <
>>> gracecan at gmail.com>
>>> > > > > wrote:
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Without going into the very long, sad history, I'm asking your
>>> > > prayers
>>> > > > > for
>>> > > > > > what will probably seem like something totally insignificant.
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Periodically my son subjects me to verbal or written 
>>> > > > > > diatribes,
>>> > > > sometimes
>>> > > > > > cutting me off from seeing his children, sometimes not.  They
>>> > always
>>> > > > seem
>>> > > > > > to come out of left field.  This time I had responded to an
>>> article
>>> > > he
>>> > > > > > forwarded to me, agreeing with much of it, which I thought
>>> > > > > > would
>>> > > > surprise
>>> > > > > > him, and thinking it might be the opening for a real
>>> conversation.
>>> > > > > Instead,
>>> > > > > > I got back a long, long attack, really hateful and verbally
>>> > abusive.
>>> > > I
>>> > > > > read
>>> > > > > > just enough to see what was there and then deleted it. Went
>>> > > > > > back
>>> > > later
>>> > > > > and
>>> > > > > > emptied it from the trash, so I wouldn't be tempted to read 
>>> > > > > > the
>>> > whole
>>> > > > > thing
>>> > > > > > and spend the next three days beating myself up and wondering
>>> what
>>> > > I've
>>> > > > > > done wrong. (Which, of course, I've been doing anyway...)
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Anyway--sorry this is so long--I carefully wrote a response,
>>> > saying I
>>> > > > was
>>> > > > > > sorry that he had felt the need to respond that way, that I 
>>> > > > > > had
>>> > > deleted
>>> > > > > his
>>> > > > > > message without reading most of it, because I didn't need that
>>> > verbal
>>> > > > > > abuse. ( I had seen that he was heading into a place I've seen
>>> > > > > > before...insisting that we are all depraved and evil at heart,
>>> but
>>> > my
>>> > > > > pride
>>> > > > > > won't let me see that, even though Scripture is clear on that.
>>> > There
>>> > > > was
>>> > > > > > something to the effect that I put on this show so that people
>>> will
>>> > > > > > think I'm a good person, etc.) I stopped reading there.
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > I told him it saddens me that that's so much of his theology,
>>> that
>>> > > Paul
>>> > > > > > really needs to be read through the lens of the Gospels and
>>> Jesus'
>>> > > > > > reflection of God as a God of love. And also that God created
>>> > > > > > the
>>> > > world
>>> > > > > and
>>> > > > > > saw that it was good. I ended by saying that I would continue
>>> > > > > > to
>>> > pray
>>> > > > > that
>>> > > > > > he will find that God of love and know that he is loved by 
>>> > > > > > God.
>>> > And
>>> > > > > after
>>> > > > > > much consideration, I went ahead and signed it Love, Mom.
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Now I see that I have a reply from him that starts out "I hope
>>> you
>>> > > > won't
>>> > > > > > delete this before reading it...,"  but I haven't opened it
>>> > > > > > yet.
>>> > I'm
>>> > > > > > tempted to just write back and say that I haven't read it yet
>>> > because
>>> > > > I'm
>>> > > > > > not ready to read it, but that I  haven't deleted it yet,
>>> > > > > > either.
>>> > > > Maybe
>>> > > > > > that would be the way to go?
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > I also thought about forwarding it to my daughter without
>>> > > > > > reading
>>> > it
>>> > > > and
>>> > > > > > asking her to tell me whether to read it or not, but that 
>>> > > > > > seems
>>> the
>>> > > > > > cowardly way to go.  She's aware of the situation, though I
>>> didn't
>>> > > > share
>>> > > > > > the other email with her. She pretty much keeps her distance
>>> > > > > > from
>>> > him
>>> > > > > most
>>> > > > > > of the time. Her take is that he finds it easier to take his
>>> anger
>>> > > out
>>> > > > on
>>> > > > > > me than to actually deal with the things he doesn't like about
>>> > > himself
>>> > > > > and
>>> > > > > > the choices he's made.  In my head I know that's probably 
>>> > > > > > true,
>>> and
>>> > > > > that's
>>> > > > > > what I would say to someone else in this situation, but it's
>>> > > > > > hard
>>> > not
>>> > > > to
>>> > > > > > get hooked by this when it happens.
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Anyway, what I need is some clarity about the "right" thing to
>>> > > > > > do
>>> > > now.
>>> > > > > > Delete without reading? Tell him I still have it, but am not
>>> ready
>>> > to
>>> > > > > read
>>> > > > > > it yet?  Just grit my teeth and read it? What I feel when I
>>> > > contemplate
>>> > > > > > that last alternative is fear about what I'll find...and that
>>> > > > > > is,
>>> > on
>>> > > > one
>>> > > > > > level, totally ridiculous, I know. Whatever is there is 
>>> > > > > > already
>>> > > there,
>>> > > > > > whether I read it or not.  And it couldn't possibly be any
>>> > > > > > worse
>>> > than
>>> > > > > > things I've already had to take from him. It's not the
>>> > > > > > different
>>> > > ideas
>>> > > > I
>>> > > > > > have a problem with, it's the personal attacks. And I've 
>>> > > > > > really
>>> > > worked
>>> > > > > hard
>>> > > > > > over the years to keep the door open to relationships with the
>>> > > > children.
>>> > > > > > There have been two different times when he barred me from
>>> > > > > > seeing
>>> > > them
>>> > > > > for
>>> > > > > > several months, but then it's like he kind of forgets, and
>>> they'll
>>> > > > invite
>>> > > > > > me to do something.  I don't know if my daughter-in-law is
>>> > > > > > aware
>>> of
>>> > > all
>>> > > > > of
>>> > > > > > this, but I've never said anything to her. She has to do
>>> > > > > > exactly
>>> > what
>>> > > > he
>>> > > > > > says, and I don't need to add to her worries.
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Sorry...I really didn't mean to go on so long. But prayers for
>>> > > clarity
>>> > > > > > would be welcome.
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Grace
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > --
>>> > > > > > Grace Cangialosi
>>> > > > > > Ruckersville, VA
>>> > > > > >
>>> > > > > > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
>>> > > > >
>>> > > >
>>> > > >
>>> > > >
>>> > > > --
>>> > > > Grace Cangialosi
>>> > > > Ruckersville, VA
>>> > > >
>>> > > > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
>>> > > >
>>> > >
>>> > >
>>> > >
>>> > > --
>>> > > Before enlightenment pay bills, do laundry.  After enlightenment pay
>>> > bills,
>>> > > do laundry.
>>> > >
>>> > >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > --
>>> > Grace Cangialosi
>>> > Ruckersville, VA
>>> >
>>> > Keep Calm and Carry OM.
>>> >
>>>
> 