[Magdalen] 'Adult Child recovery' commentary and info... (was the beleaguered: Re: Heather Cook

[Ginga Wilder]

I will never forget the great relief I experienced when I read Janet
Wolitz' book, Adult Children of Alcoholics.  I was in graduate school by
then, studying to be a marriage and family therapist.  I called my sisters
to share the book with them.  One of my sisters went to AA in college.  Her
alcoholism never progressed after she quit drinking.  She did ACOA meetings
for a long time.  I did lots and lots of therapy around my issues.  I am
not a group person....meetings and recovery programs are not the only way
to let go of the crap.  But, they work very well for many people.  The
point is that we take an honest look at ourselves, let the stuff fall on
the ground in front of us.  Let it go.  Make amends.  Do Not step in it
again and track it all over our life and others, as well.  Forgiveness is
essential.

Ginga

On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 3:54 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:

> I'm trying to nudge my daughter towards *something* because she really
> seems to have some serious problems from growing up with her dad. She, more
> than the boys, became his target in later years, I've found out. Maybe
> because I left. Her husband is also the child of an alcoholic but his
> mother left his dad when he was 12 and he had no contact with him after
> that.
>
> On Fri, Nov 6, 2015 at 3:12 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <houstonklr at gmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > A note about the 'adult children' recovery programs. I was just recently
> > made aware that there are 2 programs that seem to be outgrowths of AA but
> > actually are more nuanced. The Group that uses the 'big red book' is
> called
> > ACA officially and is not considered part of the AA lineage by the parent
> > organization. ACOA is part of the AA lineage and uses books and materials
> > 'approved' (as is said) by the larger parent organization. The 'Big Red
> > Book with ACA on the cover is not considered program-approved under the
> AA
> > umbrella of recovery groups.  ACA was formed before AA had a group for
> > 'adult children' by people in their 20s who had outgrown Alateen and were
> > seeking for more.  This movement started in the 1970s out on the west
> coast.
> >
> > I of course have an opinion about this <huge GDR> and would be  happy to
> > share privately if you want to know my own experience. Not negative, just
> > informative and nuanced.
> >
> > Lynn
> >
> > website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
> >
> > When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I have
> not
> > a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You gave
> me."
> > attributed to Erma Bombeck
> > "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a talk
> > by Richard Rohr
> >
> > --------------------------------------------------
> > From: "Ann Markle" <ann.markle at aya.yale.edu>
> > Sent: Friday, November 06, 2015 1:51 PM
> > To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Heather Cook
> >
> > Yes, here, too, Jay (ACOA rather than ACA), and is often called the word:
> >> acoa (uh-koh-uh) by members here.
> >>
> >> Ann
> >>
> >> The Rev. Ann Markle
> >> Buffalo, NY
> >> ann.markle at aya.yale.edu
> >> blog:  www.onewildandpreciouslife.typepad.com
> >>
> >> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 9:46 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> >>
> >> ACA was referred to as ACOA where I was, and may be in other areas too.
> >>>
> >>> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 9:38 PM, Lynn Ronkainen <houstonklr at gmail.com>
> >>> wrote:
> >>>
> >>> > A note on the variety of recovery programs related to alcohol...
> Alanon
> >>> is
> >>> > for friends/family of an alcoholic, Alateen, is for the children of
> an
> >>> > alcoholic, ACA is for people who grew up in an alcoholic family but
> may
> >>> > have not identified problems with themselves being related to alcohol
> >>> until
> >>> > they were adults.. note this group also includes people who grew up
> in
> >>> > dysfunctional families, and often includes alcoholics who have gained
> >>> some
> >>> > significant recovery.
> >>> >
> >>> > Important news for those who may not be aware of the role of these
> >>> > ancillary groups, for people whose lives were/are touched by alcohol,
> >>> > is
> >>> > that these groups are all about the individual themselves, attending
> >
> >>> the
> >>> > group, NOT the alcoholic in their life, earlier life, or former life.
> >>> They
> >>> > are not in their group to help, cure or fix the person who drinks
> and
> >>> who
> >>> > may be the reason they decided to seek out a solution in one of these
> >>> > programs.
> >>> >
> >>> > It is also important to realize that groups are self-run and each
> group
> >>> is
> >>> > only as healthy as the people in it trying to become healthy,
> hopefully
> >>> > with a history of some old timers who pass it on/down. Each member
> >>> strives
> >>> > for honesty about themselves in order to begin to unravel their own
> >>> issues
> >>> > and begin to change their life.
> >>> >
> >>> > Lynn
> >>> >
> >>> >
> >>> > website: www.ichthysdesigns.com
> >>> >
> >>> > When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I
> have
> >>> not
> >>> > a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything You
> gave
> >>> me."
> >>> > attributed to Erma Bombeck
> >>> > "Either Freedom for all or stop talking about Freedom at all" from a
> >
> >>> talk
> >>> > by Richard Rohr
> >>> >
> >>> > --------------------------------------------------
> >>> > From: "Jay Weigel" <jay.weigel at gmail.com>
> >>> > Sent: Wednesday, November 04, 2015 5:42 PM
> >>> > To: <magdalen at herberthouse.org>
> >>> > Subject: Re: [Magdalen] Heather Cook
> >>> >
> >>> > Not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, Don, therefore not everyone
> >>> needs
> >>> >> a recovery organization. However, if one's partner drinks abusively,
> >>> >> it
> >>> >> does affect one. And that's all I have to say on the matter.
> >>> >>
> >>> >> On Wed, Nov 4, 2015 at 6:37 PM, <thedonboyd at austin.rr.com> wrote:
> >>> >>
> >>> >> I hear good things about Rational Recovery and about SMART recovery.
> >>> >>> Janice certainly finds Women for Sobriety (the org that Jean
> >>> Kirkpatrick
> >>> >>> founded) excellent for her needs.  I stopped drinking when Janice
> >>> >>> went
> >>> >>> into
> >>> >>> rehab, but have not gotten involved with any recovery organization.
> >>> (save
> >>> >>> that J and I are such an organization in our own small way).
> >>> >>>
> >>> >>>
> >>> >>>
> >>> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
>