[Magdalen] New prayer request, and apology.

[Georgia DuBose]

Dear Mike,

 May I have your permission to put you on a prayer list not connected with
Magdalen, people from the parish I serve, who are very serious pray-ers and
will respond to this request immediately if I make a request?

Georgia+


On Thu, Jan 28, 2016 at 8:33 PM, M J _Mike_ Logsdon <mjl at ix.netcom.com>
wrote:

> I know not to apologise, but I can't help it.  I got a call from Stanford
> dermatology this afternoon telling me Dr Kim, Stanford lymphoma honcho
> (honcha? she's a she) needs a bigger, meatier biopsy from my feet.  Such
> that it will involve the dermatology surgery people and not just in the
> exam room "hold still, this'll be over soon" sort of thing I already hardly
> could take.  I was told they will numb me more, but I'll "still feel the
> pressure".  (I hate the word "pressure", because when the brain knows what
> the "pressure" means, it ain't pressure anymore; it's carnage.)  I plan on
> telling them soon when they call back to confirm what day (another issue
> entirely; I live 1.5 hours away, and work), that I REQUIRE TO BE KNOCKED
> OUT, so bring along a knock-er-out-er.  They will no doubt balk, but I will
> point out that many tooth extractions in the world (one of mine included)
> involve being knocked out, wake up later, and go home no sweat.  I COULD
> HARDLY tolerate what happened to me two weeks ago.  Even if I have to pay
> out of my own goddamned pocket, I will.  KNOCKED OUT.  I wonder what sort
> of response I'll get.
>
> The goal is still to determine if I have one, or two, types of lymphoma,
> or only one and still only vasculitis down below.  And in the meantime I
> noted today that I needed to truly clean my wounds and apply antibiotic
> ointment, as things were starting to smell again.  Please, God, let me
> maintain till Stanford next week.
>
> And, on top of all that, I learn today that, not that I'll be losing my
> job, but that because I'm literally half of a very important unit, only my
> boss is there most of the time, I'll most likely be re-assigned within the
> Agency.  Not a problem, but my sense of "entitlement" to how well I do my
> job, is, as far as I'm concerned, already undermined by the simple fact
> that I can't be there every day.  And being sick on top of all that.  I'm
> meeting with my division chief tomorrow morning to discuss short-term
> disability, as I really don't see myself in the coming weeks being of much
> use to the Agency.  It's just new territory for me, so I'm scared.  But my
> division chief, and another friend who knows this issue rather well, will
> help me through.  My issue, and I said this to my supervisor twice today,
> is "I'm a single-income household [-- she a two-income household, and
> higher-paid than me, in both instances --], so this isn't a decision I can
> take lightly."
>
> I'm so so so fucking sad and self-loathing right now, for having not taken
> care of myself to avoid this.  If someone was to come up to me and point a
> gun at my head, I really think I'd say "Shoot."
>