[Magdalen] Prayers - breakthrough in work conflict

[James Oppenheimer-Crawford]

The only thing that jumps out at me is that you might well have just
stopped him no matter what after about two minutes of yelling, "I will
speak with you when you can regain control of yourself. Good day."
There is no excuse for anyone doing that to you, no matter what they opine
you may have done.
If you feel you did the best you could and can't see how you could have
handled the matter differently, then that's all you need to say, other than
to say if he has specific complaints, he needs to put them in writing to
you and your supervisor. Then some kind of dialogue can happen.
but this business of shouting into the phone for twenty minutes is pure
unmitigated compost. He's only doing that because he truly believes that in
normal discourse, his view will not prevail.

A wonderful friend of mine who is a psychologist once remarked that there
are two types of psychologists: one enters the field to help to heal
others; the other enters the field because he/she is searching for healing
for him(her)self.

I have no way of knowing, of course, but my gut tells me you are of the
first sort, and even more strongly, my gut tells me this individual is of
the second sort. And it is not a wild idea to suggest that anyone married
to such an individual certainly bears watching as well. In my years of
work, I've dealt with a huge number of the first sort, but some of the
second sort as well. The good places figure out how to shuffle these ones
into administrative roles so they can maim as few people as possible.

I am very sorry to read about this. I'm sure your energies are far better
spent in other areas.  However, I would say that if this guy is as
decompensated as he sounds, the powers that be will see through him in due
course.

James W. Oppenheimer-Crawford
*“A life is like a garden. Perfect moments can be had, but not preserved,
except in memory. LLAP**”  -- *Leonard Nimoy

On Sat, Mar 19, 2016 at 3:54 PM, Sally Davies <sally.davies at gmail.com>
wrote:

> Dear list friends
>
> When I think that this time last year, I was swinging in the Golden Hammock
> with a possible cancer diagnosis hanging over our family, I realise how
> petty today's problems seem to be.
>
> And yet I'm feeling hugely stressed by something that's blown up at
> work...the nub of it is that one of my close (much younger) colleagues is
> married to another psychologist who is trying, recently, to build a
> practice in the hospital where I work as a rehab psychologist in tandem
> with an OT from the same outfit, and in association with other therapists
> who work in the acute hospital.
>
> I've said many times that they should use psychological services better in
> the Acute hospital, and not only when a patient stops eating and wants to
> die. But it can and does cause complications with rehab patients, because
> an individual therapist working "in a bubble" tends to see things rather
> differently to those of us who are part of an interdisciplinary team.
>
> So we were asked by the doctor to assess and commence the transfer process
> for a patient my colleague's husband was already seeing as a psychologist;
> he'd been called in by the staff in the ICU because of the extreme trauma
> she'd experienced, and had seen her a couple of times.
>
> I expected my involvement to be no more than a basic assessment and a
> couple of check ins to help with our case management.  I gave him feedback
> from the assessment and had the impression that he wasn't too pleased to
> hear from me...so should have taken warning from that in hindsight...but
> I've worked with him before, he'd been a locum for us, and I thought he
> understood our position. Perhaps he did, but I certainly didn't understand
> his, until it was too late...
>
> The following week I looked in (to see how the weekend had gone and results
> of the scans etc, only to find the patient angry, in pain, and distressed,
> saying that she had not seen the other therapist in the past week except
> once when he'd come in, found the nurses busy with dressings, and said he'd
> come back but failed to do so. And she said she wanted to confront him.
> That was really difficult for me. I spent a bit of time listening to this
> as helpfully as I could, reassured her as best I could, and later that
> afternoon I called him to say that the patient needed to see him and was
> upset. He was sick (and sounding dreadful), which made me feel even more
> uncomfortable with the situation.
>
> The next day I saw him in passing in the hospital and he mentioned he'd
> seen the patient but they clearly hadn't had The Talk she had in mind, so I
> thought perhaps they'd sorted it out, at that point she had her own room so
> there was a least a bit of privacy. She then went for her surgery and was
> taken to the ICU. The next day, he went to see her there and she let him
> have it - but didn't, as far as I know, tell him why she felt so let down,
> just that she doesn't want to see him anymore.
>
> Well, he was furious and yelled at me on the phone for about 20 minutes,
> accusing me of taking over his patient and generally venting his feelings.
> He wouldn't let me say anything in response and maybe that's just as well.
>
>  He has also now complained to my immediate boss and even to the manager of
> the hospital for which I work, which is not the one I actually work IN.
> The psychologists at the rehab hospital will also have to get involved and
> my boss (an OT) has spoken to them (I haven't, yet, and am dreading that,
> though apparently the senior psychologist doesn't think I didn't anything
> wrong).
>
> I'm so stressed by this. It is very possible that I HAVE done something
> wrong in terms of the somewhat Byzantine ethical rules that govern our
> professional work; but I cannot think how I might have done differently,
> without either letting the patient down myself, or looking as though I were
> deliberately trying to get my colleague's husband into trouble (for
> instance, if I'd not listened to the patient but had gone straight to the
> ward sister to intervene and sort it out).
>
> And I am certain that if he HAD showed up to see her more/sooner, and had
> spoken about what she wanted to speak about, things would have gone to
> plan. It's not just the patient's word on that, her mother (who's been with
> her all along) also had the same experience and the same complaint. And
> she's not ill, medicated or in any way compromised in her testimony.
>
> My boss is supporting me, which only serves to make the guy more angry and
> I'm sure he plans to report me to the professional board. That's bad
> enough, as I haven't sorted out any insurance and probably won't be able to
> if there's a complaint pending...but what worries me just as much, is that
> I can't see a way to maintain a cordial, co-operative relationship with my
> colleague whilst at the same time having this nightmare unresolved. And I
> can't see a way to resolve it because I don't know what the heck he wants -
> me to be sacked perhaps? Sanctioned by the Health Professions Council?
> Resign? Make a formal apology (Hell no, I'd have to be crazy to do THAT no
> matter how badly I feel).
>
>  If he makes further complaint, that will be a huge pain for me as these
> things are laborious and expensive...and not just for me, he could get into
> far worse trouble if the patient or patient's mom specifies her complaints
> in the same way she did with me.  But he won't listen, either to me or my
> boss, and therefore doesn't seem to realise this. In his mind, the only
> problem is me, and it's likely my colleague thinks the same. She adores her
> husband and thinks he's the fount of all wisdom. If he ends up in trouble
> or just looking foolish, I don't think she'll get over it any time soon.
>
> But I can't put that in front of the patient's needs, and I can't assume
> that her best interests are other than what she's clearly expressing them
> to be. Even though I know this is exactly what mental health professionals
> often do...
>
> After I spent most of last night sleepless and most of today fretting on
> and off about this mess, Keith said "Why don't you ask Magdalene to pray? -
> and I realised that he was right.
>
> Sorry for the ramble...tired and emotional as they say. But i would
> appreciate prayers for everyone involved - for me, for my colleague and her
> husband, for his practice to find a better way to thrive, and of course for
> the patient who has spent three weeks in the seventh circle of Hell,
> compared to which all of this pales into insignificance.
>
> Sally D
>