[Magdalen] Fwd: They will be staying....

[Judy Fleener]

I pray that this works for yoour son and d-i-l, Grace.  It will be good for
the children, no matter what.

On Thu, May 12, 2016 at 11:54 PM, Jay Weigel <jay.weigel at gmail.com> wrote:

> I finally got to look at the video. They are very cute little boys.
> Foster-to-adopt is the main way, other than private open adoptions, that
> children are adopted these days in the US. And it's a basic truth that
> almost *any* child in foster care is going to have emotional issues. I
> mean, how not? They've been pulled out of what was probably an unstable
> situation (which may or may not have been loving), and some have then been
> bounced from one foster home to another...and some of those are loving, but
> others are real horror shows. The best thing for these little guys is that
> they're very young, and with love and stability they can overcome a lot.
> Having an older brother who's also adopted may be helpful for them as they
> grow up. I know you aren't in tune with Paul and Mary Kim's lifestyle, but
> it actually may be rather beneficial, at least now, for the boys. And, as
> others have said, the best thing we can do is support our kids' decisions,
> (so long as they're not actually dangerous).
>
>
>
> On Tuesday, May 10, 2016, Roger Stokes <roger.stokes65 at btinternet.com>
> wrote:
>
> > On 10/05/2016 21:50, Grace Cangialosi wrote:
> >
> >> My granddaughter made this video, and I hope you'll take a look at it.
> >> The background is that about a year and a half ago my son and d-in-l
> took
> >> in two brothers who were in foster care. At the time they were 17 months
> >> and 3 years old. It was three weeks before my oldest granddaughter's
> >> wedding. She wasn't happy about that, and I thought they'd lost their
> >> minds. I also knew this was entirely my son's idea. Their youngest child
> >> also came to them through foster care, and they adopted him about four
> >> years ago.
> >> Anyway, I'll spare you what is a very complicated 18-month saga, except
> >> to say that the biological parents' parental rights were finally
> terminated
> >> yesterday, so Paul and Mary Kim can begin adoption proceedings.
> >> I still don't think this is a good thing, and I've supported Mary Kim
> >> through all of her misgivings, helped take the boys to visitation with
> >> their parents, and now I'll bite my tongue and support this decision.
> The
> >> other kids all seem happy with this--as you can see in the video--so it
> may
> >> all work out for the best, but the boys have serious emotional issues
> and
> >> had been in one foster home before.
> >>
> >
> > Love and a stable home background wgere the parents talk and take a
> common
> > approach will be a great help with the emotional issues. Mary Kim was
> > probably more aware of the demands that would be made of her than Paul
> was,
> > hence the misgivings.  However I trust that Paul would have heard it is
> she
> > had said clearly "No".  At the end of the day it is their decision th
> share
> > their capacity to love more widely and to offer a new home to two
> children
> > who need it.
> >
> > Some years ago my son discovered that he and his wife could not have
> > children of their own so they offered to adopt and went through all the
> > hoops that involved, and then the waiting.  Having said they were willing
> > to have two toddlers Ollie came to live with them aged 6 or 7 months in
> > late 2013 having been takewn from his mother more or less at birth.
> During
> > the adoption process they were asked if they would also take his
> biological
> > sister when she was born so she came to them straight from the hospital
> > just before Easter 2014 and the adoption was made final last August.
> >
> > That was a good day not only because it marked the official completion of
> > my son's family but also because my ex and I spoke civilly to each other
> > for the first time since we split.  (I was always willing to but she
> > wasn't.)  Much to my surprise this undemonstrative loner has developed a
> > deep affection for his grandchildren who now have the prospect of a far
> > better start in life than would have been the case.  That is what matters
> > to me and I draw attention to one word in Grace's second paragraph which
> > illustrates my feelings.  Years ago legislation changed terminology in
> > response to care of children.  The important words were parental
> > responsibility, not rights.  As adults our responsibility is to care for
> > children, not to claim them as property to have custody of.
> >
> > May this newly extended family learn to live and love into that reality.
> >
> > Roger
> >
>



-- 
Judy Fleener, ObJN
Western Michigan